JoUrnAl

DEEPENING   Its hard letting go Of someone you love Despite the chaos Turmoil Pain Of abuse Wilfully done To tame Even against non-consent  Shouted down protests And the anger Conditioning  Controlling  Limerence Trauma bonding  Unable to let go  Of the attachment Which the same person  And her flying monkeys Describe as a disorder Refuse to accept accountability Knowing gleefully She did this to me On purpose To stop me escaping After months of no contact The need to be with her Is constant My mind and the advice  Of therapists, counsellors, friends, experts Is have nothing to do with her Be grateful I got out They cannot understand How badly I need to be with her How constant the thoughts of her are Hoping she is okay Missing her Is physical pain Emotional and mental anguish For most of the year She was hell to be with Stress based I had two breakdowns in that time Because of her behaviour I rebuilt myself Stronger than ever And yet I cannot let...

WHAT BEING AN EMPATH IS Not being able to shut the door On constant waves Of feeling other peoples emotions As if they are my own All the emotional ranges So when people are in hate So when people are in love I feel it with them When feelings are uncomfortable I want to escape To settle into Harmony I really do not believe anyone else out there realises  How important Harmony is Being in Harmony It works at distance too When I focus on a person By thinking of them,  Feeling out to them I can feel where they are at The water of the body harmonises With the electrical spectrum of the central nervous system Hardwired to the brain And thus the Mind Here then a word, Telempathy   But there is a peculiarity When people have envy When people are horny  Comes across as a wall  These are emotions I cannot easily understand I try to What I find by being empathic Envy I do not feel for others so much Perhaps an aspect of autism Of the form I am diagnosed as Hate also is al...

THE RESCUE After all this time I understand The shadow work  Done For now A healing   Much needed Thank you to your seeding Of the needing   To attend to   Damaged feelings After all this time I reach my hand Symbol for the Heart Always yours Which needed nurturing From wounds we shared Unintentionally And perhaps intentionally We were in too much pain Amplifying Between us After all this time Their voices fade away Envy, hatred, control, abuse The reptile assumption To tell us what to think How to feel, Who we are,   Who we should be with   These were never people we should listen to They have not our best interests at heart They fear the loss of our magic Which they feed on They fear we would outgrow them See through them After all this time I am wiser to them   Their power over me has waned I had to sacrifice you to do that As you sacrificed me to appease them After all this time I am checking in Because I care Because I love you Hoping you are doin...