Gym Log

GYM LOG

Gym session 1 - 19.4.2022

I have not sweated this much since that night with (edited) six months ago.

40 minutes in the gym my first session.

I felt it when the testosterone and endorphins kicked in, when I pushed myself through it in the hardness of my cells tensing up ready to squeeze out. 

Stopped at the right time, my body had enough although my mind want to keep going. There’s a machine I have not yet got to go on. Will do that tomorrow. 

What I like about it is going into the zone. Not thinking but simply being, doing, empty mind. It’s a zen activity. 

Empty mind happy pet.

Afterwards I sit in the car making voicenotes sweating my breathing slowing down my body with anything normal opinion to feel aches and pains in muscles which haven’t been exercised properly for decades.

Feeling healthy, properly worked out. My parents are dead against gyms and any physical activities at all like this. I’ve missed out my whole life.

Gym Session 2 - 20.4.2022

I feel cleansed. From within, it’s affecting pressures on my head, skull, brain area feel like they are unblocking detoxifying. The same throughout my body. I feel flushed of toxins.

Not entirely, but enough to want more of this to become completely pure.

From within.

Those tensions and toxins and repression is held within the flesh, by muscle structure, blockages in my chest system the adrenal glands lymphatic system meridians especially, dirt held in the meat and flesh of my body, as I flow better from putting the work in, it seems to be purifying. 

It helps that it is a bright sunshiny day today but it’s not that.

I am seeing a whiteness in everything, I feel immersed and surrounded in whiteness the same way as I had an out of body experience, the higher level frequency vibration accessible to us.

I can taste and feel I don’t know what the hormone is, it feels addictively pure back of my tongue, certainly around my throat chakra especially I can feel it all throughout my body as well.

It feels like a healing.

Afterlife timer running on the program from childhood where my parents were dead against be going to the gym, I’m so excited about this.

I’ve needed this my whole life. Simply to get those healthy healing hygienic hormones and endorphins flowing.

Also I like about the gym is there a lot of fit women getting high on hormones in the same room who I am trying to ignore looking at. 

As I leave, dripping with sweat and smelling in certain parts of my body, I came home and lay in a lukewarm bath, soaked and relaxed, until I had adjusted to this new balance. 

What is holistic. It is psychosomatic as well.

By proving to the universe I’m taking myself more seriously and putting into my own personal physical well-being, I feel on the higher level. This is the level of self-esteem I have now. I’m upgrading my lifestyle significantly. Energetically I’m connecting to those spectrums.

It’s a very good thing.

26.4.2022 

I’ve got Charley into the gym twice I think then it was shut on Sunday. He enjoyed it the first date a lot but the second day they were the kids ownage their girls so he was a bit shy and temperamental so we focused on what he knows which is he mostly likes the running machine.

Today in there, I brought myself up to the biting point didn’t push myself too hard. 

The philosophy that it is better to ‘do little and often’ than it is to overdo it, then be in pain, then recovering, then be back to the starting point.

Some walking machine but mostly my torso and arms, and for the first time in my life experimented with weightlifting. Getting my body used to the motions of it without putting any weights on there which sounds pathetic but it’s the first time I’ve ever touched one of these machines so I believe I can be excused for easing myself in gently rather than throw myself in the deep end and regretting it. In martial arts we teach about muscle memory. It’s better to get my body used to being in a certain position before applying weight than it is to put it in an unusual position and apply weight.

The fine line between masochistic torture and working out properly, safely, sanely.

Charley knows you can ring me if you want me to collect him in an evening what is his mum‘s to take him for a gym session in the evening, whether he will or not I don’t know. I’d like to get her in here too although it’s so alien to her way of thinking she probably never will.

It’s meditative, working out is a meditation because your mind clears.

Today it cleared enough that I could watch the things on my mind, my garden my dog my son my ex-girlfriend my other ex-girlfriend, my second life existence and a wonderful book I’m reading at the moment called coyote and Crow. All the thoughts pass through my mind until I let go of them one by one and all that remind was my body in motion of work out.

And it is then the hormones are released, the sweat begins these are two separate and possibly unrelated because of experience went without hormones and I’ve experienced woman’s with a sweat.

The taste within my mouth feeling within my blood in my body is the endorphins et cetera serotonin dopamine whatever else is in there rushes through my system. It’s a different feeling from the tight tension of every cell when you push it to it squeeze point where the body is self harmonised, necessary to release all the toxins held in the cells.

Flood in my body with the toxins not such a good idea in one go either is why I’m now sitting in the car enjoying the sunshine making voice notes.

Driving home, I feel better for having been to the gym. I feel that I am taking myself seriously now. The horns on the side of my head which are my horizons, my scope is widening.

4.5.2022

After several days off, yesterday I had to push myself. I did 20 minutes and it was difficult. Today I remind myself the endorphin rush and being internally balanced metabolically is absolutely fabulous and to die for.

I wish I discovered this decades ago. Charley is lucky that his dad is encouraging him to go to the gym.

Today I discovered a machine which does glutes which is the back of the thighs in the buttocks.

That is absolutely what I need as well as the chest expansion. I’m having trouble breathing generally for years which is one reason I’m lucky to live on top of the hill and not down in the basement full of car monoxide fumes and smoke.

I have noticed that doing chest exercises is helping with my breathing although today as I was pushing myself, and on the treadmill machine, I observe my shortness of breath.

I suffer from shortness of breath as a generalisation, probably because I smoked cannabis between the age of 14 to 28 at which time I quit permanently although I have had it two or three times since. This year I’m 45.

I would very much like to not smoke again despite every day I am smelling it on the air from the neighbours, and it is very tempting to have a smoke especially as my creativity is massively boosted because the astrology is in Virgo at the moment which is my sign.

The gym is amazing, I’m sitting in the car overheating, panting for breath, sweating, and feeling good, parts of my body I’m sensitive to now which I’ve just been mindless flab I was unaware of for most of my life.

I’m also noticing because of the relationship with focus on my breathing again, the air is an extension of a body just as we are a part of the sky.

Three is therefore an expense of my senses. This living continuous holistic connectedness with nature is wonderful, it takes me outside of the human society and puts me back to natural living.

Going to the gym and keeping physically fit helps with emotional and mental fitness because it stabilises our biorhythms.

It helps to connect us with mother nature through and within ourselves. All the synchronicity is or aligning beneficial for this.

Soon as I heal internally, therefore I align with the planet which is healing. This is what we must do. Humans do have that control factor element over the natural cycles of this planet of which we are apart.

Getting healthy, politically, properly and fully. On behalf of all of us.

The rowing machine, I think about my ancestors on the long boats coming from Norway Finland Denmark to the east coast of England and beyond to Germany where they came north woods from originally.

As a row, I’m reminded of this, I’m having memories from past lifetimes integrating the journey.

Those free and fierce spirits whose struggles made it possible for me to be alive and here in the world today.

The heritage of journey, the struggle and pains and hardships which leads to a part of healing, it is that part of healing becomes our nature as we finally align with the all-being.

Summary: it is not only that I feel manly, it is also I feel holistically healthy. 

Gym diary two. 1.6.2022

Halfway through month two now. Today I hit a limit. I do not know whether there are Demons of doubts in the gym, or if it’s something attached to me or from within me. I hit a limit today. I had to accept there are people more successful than me. It meant physically in the gym but also metaphorically for other aspects of life. Well I can easily accept this I know that. It’s not a problem to me I’m not up against other people I’m up against myself only. Today I hit my limit my body could not be pushed any further. I cannot get any more oxygen into me my lung capacity is not big enough and my lungs hurt too much. At the burn. My whole body aching, panting for breath, overheating, could not go any further or do any more. I had to wait until I to cool down. I looked at the amount of work I done to get me to that stage in less than 10 minutes and have to accept I cannot do more. It is now half an hour later and I’ve cool down enough to make voice notes what is this fresh in my mind.

I do have a pounding headache from drinking too much coffee this morning which might be a factor.

6.6.2022

Last session was too short because Charley attention span. Before that a bit longer. 

I’ve noticed the benefit of pushing my glutes and arms because I can lift more and climb stairs easier now. I have more general energy now. It’s been six weeks and it’s starting to pay off. 

Some say it takes two months others say six months (social media advice for what that’s worth). 

Missed out on gym yesterday so I feel I’m seizing up again. Drinking coffee in the gym cafe to wake up. Monday. Got charley to school today after a week off for half term. 

My body feels younger. I’m listening to it more, my posture has changed. Less hunched and wider shoulders. People are reacting to me more positively as I had more confidence. Te biggest difference is I have happy-hormones now. It shows. 

I bench pressed 30kg, twenty reps today. I could not do that even a fortnight ago I was struggling to do 5 with 10kg. Pushing myself that one step further, is where the growth happens. 

Now to apply that to other areas of life and to teach Charley the benefits of it too. 

My muscles ache pleasantly from being stretched. That’s a good sign and it feels amazing. A little every day. 

27.6.2022

I have been going in less often although I feel I’m achieving more. Today validate that. I was there 10 to 15 minutes 20 minutes, I’ve been bench pressing recently to the level which I can cope with. Today I push myself a little bit further and got into it a lot more.

Something clicked together between my shoulders, at the back of my heart, sensation is sensual, tickly, fulfilling.

I have not felt this good for a long time. It is a healing of the past. I can breathe more fully. My shoulders are wider apart. My confidence is high I’m walking in a different way my posture is changed simply because the muscles across my top of my back and my shoulders and my chest and my neck are different.

It is a fantastic feeling although I’ve had a buildup to feeling this way.

I no longer feel weak and atrophied.

I’m not pressing much, today I did 20 of 40kg, 20 of 17.5kg, 20 of 10kg, then 50 reps on my glutes then 20 rowing machine reps at 40kg and 20 pull-up dat machine reps at 50kg then 30 or 40 on my thighs at 60kg. 

Usually I do less weight and more reps. 

I feel terrific. Jim helps in all sorts of ways, it is not only physically getting more fit and the endorphins and serotonin dopamine rush, which maintains a healthy and always but also in letting go of the past.

Levelling up to what we are now here today. 

Usually I push myself and sweat have a drink of water and a breather push myself a bit more same again repeat until I can’t do that anymore then I go home. Today I did that to a point where I cool down, and then I wanted to jump back in.

This is only happened once a twice before I suppose it’s a good way sign for using the gym for cognitive behavioural therapy.

I sat in the garden and then wondered about a bit, feeling how much my lower spine is healed where I have sciatica the muscles have built up stronger now the pain is going, it’s less often. For that the gym is amazing. 

Bench pressing has cleared a lot of tension from my back, my shoulder area where I hold a lot of tension cleared loads today that’s the main important thing. I’m walking in a different posture because I’m being pulled into a different energetic configuration, the water is held by the flesh in a different way now with different muscles. It’s better.

I realised also this week in the last 48 hours I have eaten: beef, Greek olives, stuffed vine leaves (rice), bran, carbohydrates, A healthier diet, this is all part of the lifestyle I want to be living. 

5.7.2022 

I missed a week of gym. Too depressed, exhausted, busy doing house and garden chores. Also brought low by associating with toxic ex partner. 

Today twenty minutes and my hormones balanced and boosted I’m feeling great again, albeit tired and not as strong as I was but also baseline stronger than I was before I started gym. 

Definitely going to return to daily sessions because it’s worth it. 

Recognition the lack of boosted and balanced hormones from not doing gym is possibly why I was depressed all last week. 

Another reason is chronic back pain from sciatica and general muscles aching all over. Today my spine snapped back into place for the first time in a week and my body aches anyway so I may as well push it and make it ache from exercise. 

The pain during and after gym is a good pain from having extra oxygen pushed into muscles. Theory the ache from not going to gym is lack of oxygen in the muscles. Gym is necessary. 

People in zero-gravity and low-gravity environments will have muscle atrophy. I don’t know why that concerns me. 

27.7.2022 

Lazy couple of weeks of only making it twice a week now I’m doing it every day again for 15 minutes a day. Straight under the glue machine, the benchpress, that’s when there’s nobody else using them, rowing machine, and one of my favourites the pushing forwards machine I don’t know what it’s called chest expander.

So not doing exactly the same workout every day but pretty much the same, I’ll sort of find my level now when I’m pushing it some days I do a little bit less some days I do too much too quick.

Always the problem of overheating, drinking water wiping my brain with a towel, cooling down with breath, back to it until I can’t take any more.

I’ll push myself until I spoke out, flashing white lights in my eyes which indicates all those lovely juicy hormones being flooded into my body.

Endorphins serotonin dopamine and the others.

I was with yesterday today I am now going for a swim in the sea because it’s high tide in 45 minutes.

I love this lifestyle.

I swam, not entirely sure the distance, out of my depth with no grown beneath me in the sea, long coastline, somewhere between quarter of a mile and a half mile I would like to measure it. I felt the tide change from coming into going out what I was out. I realise my body can I sustain this and I push myself to achieve my goal of swimming from the Cove to the wreck. There were fishermen on the wreck one of them said I’m a good swimmer. It’s probably the furthest I’ve ever swam in Mongo in my life especially in the sea. This is entirely because of doing three months of body training in the gym building up my muscles to support it. I still have sciatica which means I’m not flexible in my movement, the more I swim the easier that’s going to get.

Today I’m taking a day off the gym because my body aches from the muscles changing to a new configuration from having stretched them in ways they’re not used to what’s in the water yesterday. Today my body is fit enough that I could do yoga, not only that but the physio exercises which I combine with yoga, I can do more of them in one go than I’ve ever been able to do before in my life. There was a time when I was doing yoga every day for a period of 6 to 10 weeks within which I remember my trainings from my age of 20 in another yoga school, and in the 6 to 10 weeks the whole class levelled up from beginners and old people to being able to smoothly go through a whole cycle salute to the Sun et cetera, fluid movement. That was gentle yoga this is different this is Physio. I feel like Conan or a warrior of gore. To look at me, it is now beginning to show that I’m working out my posture certainly is different I’m walking up Brighton more straight and I have a half before, my hunch has gone my shoulders back my chest forwards my hips in the right position what they call cock thrust forward, curving the lower spine in my back up and back straightened. I feel now I am the person who deserves to have that upright stance whereas before, I was too introverted insecure anxious and my body language showed it. It’s not only the physio it’s life experience, accepting I’ve been through more stuff than most of the people I meet which means I have no shame in staring them down because I’m becoming a more Alpha I’ve always been a sigma but there are a lot of dominating people out there who just wanna be better than everybody else, my reaction to them is always been to let them get on with it and avoid them. What are you discover true experimentation is if somebody wants to dominate and you stand your ground, they go psycho and turn into a personal battle which causes problems. Where is if I encounter the same person or type of people and submit to them they leave me alone then apart from occasionally bullying me. Well avoiding them to avoid bullying me has been my strategy. Now, my stance is different my body is different my muscles are stronger and the same people are not looking down at me then I’m looking up at me. Especially as yesterday the swimming knighted is more than most people can achieve. This might come across as arrogant all the time showing off, perhaps some of that is deserved but really my main focus is on I have never been able to do these things before. Especially when I assimilate my life experience into what I am physically now capable of. I go to the gym and I look like a Putz there are guys there whose arms are so big I can’t close my fist around them even if I use two hands to try and wrap my hands around their muscles I’ve got large hands I’ve got artist Crofton‘s workers hands and I still can’t wrap my hands and their muscles they are that mostly but these guys have been doing gym for an hour a day every day for 5 to 10 years or more who played professional rugby. Compared to them up at. But compare to who I was four months ago, and I’m not even in the gym every day and when I am it’s 10 to 15 minutes most days, I literally do 30 minutes a week in the gym and in four months I’ve achieve more than I ever had before. I ran after swimming I climbed over a fence and I ran far from being exhausted although I did recognise the problem is night water is cold and that exhaust you very quickly that’s why people dry and they freeze to death because the muscles are not hot enough to keep the blood pumping enough to keep your swimming you get exhausted.

I’ve been training so I was able to achieve that yesterday.

10.8.2022

Five days off.

Back in today for 15 minutes, much more confident today.

I watched an Instagram video how to expand chest, it’s nothing to do with working out it’s to do with shoulder posture for confidence, shoulders back and down, walk with a different stance.

It allows the body‘s muscles to get used to being in that position all the time so that when we perform activities that’s the position they grow in.

Combined with Jim well let’s see how that goes.

I am noticing in the mirror name I am muscles are more defined and I noticed a week ago with the kids running up the hill and down and up again how my glutes exercises are helping massively with that, considering a year ago I could not run at all. We’ve been swimming a lot this summer as well, I’m sure that helps with that too.

Today on the LET machine, doing 10 reps on a 35 barbell, 10 reps on a 25 barbell, and then more lat machine, I felt oxygen and endorphins rushing into the muscles on my chest and on my back, in my throat my bronchial cord, it all felt like being tickled, very sensual. It’s a wonderful feeling I’m beginning to enjoy being in my body.

15 years ago I was having out of body experiences on a fairly regular basis my body was in pain. My body is still in pain but there’s also pleasure there now. I’m no longer reliant on the struggle to get a girlfriend who wants to give me physical pleasure so that I can experience physical pleasure.

I found a cheap easy less stressful way to do it is simply gym, working out, keeping fit.

29.9.2022

I have been doing the Glute machine in the gym.

The muscles on the back of my legs between my knees and up into my butt cheeks have stretched. Now, I do not feel comfortable if I sit down for too long. I actively need to be up and walking for those muscles to feel Okay.

I have change from the lifestyle of sitting on my butt for most of the day to becoming more active and more healthy.

Our species are designed to walk 6 miles a day minimum. For us to be an optimum health that is the least amount of walking we should do every day. 

While walking 6 miles does this point seem intimidating to me, as it does to most of the people who I know, I am sure that we are walking 6 miles every day I was think nothing of it.

We are so reliant on cars, it becomes relevant to ask you to look at all the facilities 6 miles away from your house or less.

In the olden days people would be roaming the countryside continuously. 

Now, we are segregated into our luxury designer caves, with hot water and drinkable water on tap, with electricity and entertainment to distract us from what is important in life.

Is what we now have progress? Or have we lost freedoms, health, community, all of the cost of pollution and destruction of the natural environment. 

What actually is progress?

Self discipline?

9.10.2022

Third day in a row I’ve made myself go to the gym for 10 to 20 minutes. It was nice today Sunday when I got there the whole place to myself. I was able to level with myself in a deep way. On the rowing machine weight machine device. I always think about my ancestors rowing in the boats to come here from Scandinavia generations ago. So this machine associate with my ancestors.

It might sound silly but it’s a profound association I have. My ancestors rode over an ocean through rain and cold conditions.

I always strive to push myself further and I hear the voices my ancestors talking through me. I have some of the memories. It was a miserable joint voyage Because the cold was so bad quite a few will most of the way there. The conditions were bad. We were wet all of the time.

I have a circle in the back of my heart whenever I have the flu and I have it when I use this machine. I am trying to warm it up. Do you have a flu so many times in my life and through using this machine I associate the icicle in the back of my heart with death in the past, the fear of my ancestors had not of death itself because it’s inevitable and we accept that bit of defeat of not living as fully as we can.

Accepting a compromise to be less than we are actually capable.

That fear is worse than the fear of dying.

The stronger I get the more I recognise this to be more a part of what I am because it makes more sense and true to me, then all the compromises I made with the society and culture I grew up in and I’ve lived in, in Britain.

The more I roll on the machine in the more incapable of keep on going with it, I decide to do things the best way to get me further. For example my feet on the floor is harder but my feet up against the bar so I can push against it means it’s easier for me to pull The weights, the same emotion as rubbing me yours.

I remember the training when I was younger to put my feet against the bar because it makes it easier to row and that’s what makes your muscles stronger.

For such a long time I would not do that I did not feel I deserve to be all that I am because those who are more closer to being that, or a different cast. Stronger more confident.

They do things their way, for them the right way.

But feeling like I wasn’t part of them I did not deserve to put my feet up on the bar and it was harder.

I made it eventually, even though I still felt distance from them.

Today I feel very different, I feel I’ve been out into the cold a wide curved arc all by myself travelling exploring being on my own but now it’s time to come back in and accept and to be accepted. People are accepting me because they’re realising I’m awesome.

This is happening in exactly a parallel to myself realising I’m awesome and accepting other people will think that too.

It might not be the people of the past it will be new people coming into my life who are more resonant with what I am becoming.

I deserve to be all that I am. To live my life as fully as possible. After a long time in the cold, but icicle in the back of my heart is beginning to thaw. There is whomp there so I can feel the healing happening. Having the flu so many times in my childhood has taught me the physical associations with the energetic awareness of how things are politically connected.

I’m stronger now than I was.

Although I have not been to the gym very much for the last few weeks, I’m studying out now. It’s worth pushing myself as hard as I can every time I come in here I’m doing that extra bit. Not pushing myself too hard that I break, not push myself too hard that I will need three days off to recover, but pushing myself hard enough that when I come in tomorrow I will be able to do at least as much as I did today and probably that incremental bit more.

This is why I love the gym. It’s holistic. It’s healing.

With the Russian endorphins dopamine serotonin et cetera, my ears go deaf it’s how I can tell somethings kicked in in my brain that my brain is shifted into a new gear. Much healthier. It is the journey of self acceptance I do not have to try to be something I’m not I only have to be what I am and what I could be given The development and growth to become that. So it is not only more physically fit but also emotionally, mentally, spiritually much better balanced and functioning much better in all ways.

The effort of 10 to 1520 minutes a day has massive dividends.

Yesterday I went into town I was confident so much I was back to where I was a 18 19 20 year old, where people were automatically respecting me and making decisions to do things my way the way I need them to be done for me to flow optimally. I’m becoming a more alpha after decades of being puny. 

I’m loving it.

10.10.2022

With going to the gym regularly I have a physical strength and stamina to Hoover and do the washing up. I’ve not been able to do this for a few years. Getting a dishwasher helps immensely although loading and unloading it is exhausting. Pushing the Hoover around is exhausting.

It takes me literally the rest of the day to recover from these tasks. I do not know if I have fibromyalgia as quite a lot of people I know have been diagnosed with. I do know I suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome I’ve been complaining about that for over a decade and it is getting incremental worse. Going to the gym helps immensely. I do have rapid energy drops but I’m now able to push the Hoover around effectively once a week and with a short rest afterwards I’m able to get on with the rest of the day. That is things to 6 months I’m going to the gym on average three times a week, sometimes more sometimes less, for an average of fifteen minutes each session. During each session I push myself hard, to my breaking point and as far as I can go. It is not done so stupid he trying to lift more than I can, usually a lift as much as I can as many times as I can. Sometimes I lift slightly less than that and repeat it for longer, to build up the stamina. I explain this as lifting, doing glutes exercises, latte machine rowing machine all of the different devices the gym has, it’s the same principle for all of them.

12.10.2022

I need to rest today but got bored in the house and discipline one over laziness and common sense that I needed to rest for a day. I push myself hard for the last two days my body is been aching.

In the gym only 10 minutes but the routine I’m doing now is much faster than I could handle even six weeks ago, Six months ago I would not have been able to do this at all. I could not of lifted so much in one go. So 20 benchpress is 20 Glute exercises 20 or 30 chest expander machine, the upright shoulder machine, the leg machine, but then I needed a break from it.

Sitting in the car to cool down. What I noticed I’ve not much exercise is festival my ears pop it’s as if I go deaf not totally deaf but I can’t hear anything but my audio is reduced by a third. It feels like there’s a white mist in my ears. If I push myself much harder, I got a white mist over my eyes too. 

I interpret this is a sign that my endorphins are being released from my brain into my system. It is accompanied by a feeling of mild euphoria. 

Trying to regulate it so I do not overheat but stay in that state which is coming into self harmony, balancing with myself.

Reaching that point where I’m doing as much physical exertion as it’s possible for my body to do but without it breaking me, I can still do some more. 

Usually at this stage I reduced the weights I’m lifting by a few notches to so that I’m building stamina on a lower setting rather than pushing myself hard. It is usually about this time I begin to sweat.

25.10.2022

With Charley being a school refuser it means I have to be in dad mode in the daytime instead of adult mode doing adult things.

My life slows right down/going to a halt.

So I have not been to the gym very often for the last few weeks again. I’m going in twice a week on average which is enough, it’s what the doctor recommended.

Doing it daily got me hooked on the endorphin rush what I was building my strength and stamina up enough to be able to not feel like a puny beginner.

Today I went in there, blanked out everyone else, got on with a bit of my routine and a bit of the machines that I usually don’t do, combination of stamina building and pushing myself hard to lift as much as I can mostly with my legs.

Doing the benchpress slowly, holding the weight with my arms outstretched as I lay down flat beneath it, feeling pressure points and pains in my body.

I have these pressure point pains in my body all the time. It is the physical manifestation of anxieties and traumas in my stomach and chest. Holding the weight pressuring on them, the sensation moves around. I can feel the energetic inserts in my body as they are being squashed around. It hurts. I am going to exercise them out of my body. That is the point and while I am lifting weights thinking these thoughts, it feels pure, everything is simplified, everything close more, everything with my eyes open or shut feels better.

Stretching my muscles on the machines has a similar sensation in them, and ache but it is an ache which is pleasant.

The oxygen rushing into them Hurts in a different way, in a good way. They are growing. I’m filling up with oxygen therefore I’m filling up with the light. My muscles love it.

The first time I picked up a large piece of resin which dried around crystal quartz so it took on the helix, with scraps of metal in it to amplify and boost it, I felt almost exactly the same sensation, it activated the oxygen in my body and therefore the muscles felt stretched. I noticed a rolling affect, are flexing between being hard and being fluid liquid, which the resin knowing those two states has innate in its nature even when it’s hard it’s still remembers having been fluid so moves flows between those two states which takes the crystalline helix through those two states or take those two states into the crystalline Helix from the courts. Either way, it feels almost exactly the same as what my muscles feel like after exercising them especially when I push them to their limit and then I feel and growing and I keep on pushing them, taking bigger breaths.

I noticed he’s doing the leg machines, and then I noticed it again doing the benchpress happening all over my body that time. Stretching those muscles makes me aware of where my body is holding onto the trauma. Only through exercising regularly like this I believe I find a way to push that trauma out of my body, so I am no longer holding onto it and it is no longer draining me by attaching me to events of the past. It is cleansing.

As I become cleanser, I rise up and access higher frequencies, A better experience of reality or manifest itself for me one I have got rid of the dirt in me and connected to the purity of where I will be when I’m living my best life being all that I am.

27. 10. 2022

Today doing the bench press machine while sitting up instead of laying down, first time I’ve done it this way. Pulling the bar behind my shoulders, pulling the bar in front of my chest, is much harder than bench pressing or lying down. Exercises the muscles in a different way.

Also, lying down and holding the weight up at arm’s-length to push it as far as I can, feeling my body strain against it, realigning my muscles inside of my body, all the way down to my legs, it feels great. aches and pains, tensions, often I have been holding onto these for years, become apparent. I can feel them and push them around. It is more development from the work I was doing yesterday. Today, enjoying becoming more sleek within my Muscles, aligned more smoothly, to flow better, so the cheat energy can flow through me better.

Then later in the day, walking around and sitting down, feeling all the work I’ve been doing on my glutes and my thighs my legs, I can actually feel my arse now. I’ll be the 1st to admit I have a big arse, it is mostly fat, I cannot feel it. Now the muscles in my arse are starting to grow stronger, I can actually feel my arse with my arse, first time in my life. It’s unusual and new.

4.12.2022 

I miss three days before that added to 3 days before that I did all the average to every other day or every two or three days every four days. Even I have not been going so much to the gym lately as what it was. However, I do not have to push myself so hard now to achieve the same result. So now I’m softening on myself a little bit, getting in there every few days bringing myself up to the level and then not really pushing myself much further because it’s taken me all my effort just to do that much.

I am still going for at least one third of the days of a month and I’m getting further than bench pressing today I tried sitting up bench presses because that’s this position the seat was in. It’s much harder than doing laying down bench presses.

I was able to push my legs harder and my shoulders higher than ever today. My session now takes 15 minutes to accomplish what to begin with six months ago took me 45 minutes.

Tightness in my chest today.

Since take over three weeks ago, Charley and I have been eating a lot of bacon almost every day.

I’m feeling the effects of this in my body.

In some ways I feel very healthy and in other ways I can feel and putting on weight which I’m not used to. What I mean is the fat from the bacon is going to parts of my body that I’m not used to, I suppose it is cellular. I’m filling out.

My pecs are obviously worked to look at them now you can tell where is all my life, but has not been the case.

I am lazy, I need to do sit ups to get some belly weight off.

Gym Journal 6.5.2024 

I think that was my fourth fifth gym session in the last week. I stopped for a long time first because I came down with Covid and did not have the physical strength to cope with Jim. As I recovered from that I met the most wonderful talented sensual gorgeous and at times difficult stubborn woman , I ever dead dream imagine.

Things deteriorated there until a month ago when having been advised by doctors and psychiatric doctors I am burnt out and need to rest, last September, by the end of March this year I had again, long Covid followed by flu followed by a water infection, followed by dysentery and spent most of winter of this year bedbound because of not having had a rest And still being burned out. The relationship took its toll due to my unavailability and absolute lack of energy after a month of wallowing in self misery that I had lost the woman of my dreams due to the limitations of the human body mind and spirit, I got myself back into the gym. in one week of doing 10,000 footsteps every day and a 15 minute gym session most days, I’ve lost several inches on my bum/hips, and expanded by 1 cm on my chest. My weight dropped and then increased which is the loss of fat replaced by the building of muscle.

This time around, I am confident in what I am doing enough to start pressing weight properly. I love the Lat machine, the glut machine, the new machine for strengthening lower spine muscles which tremendously helps not only with sciatica but also with my porn star sex status of being able to achieve a jackhammer should I ever find another woman to enjoy that with. It’s what my ex wanted ‘to be able to feel’ after what has been normalised to her by Welsh men who never heard of tantra. 

It is now 1 am. The gym is packed during the daytime so I find it being empty at night to suit my lifestyle of insomnia which I have had since splitting up with my ex.

Gym has helped me to achieve holistic health and well-being. To regain my strength enough to recognise I really do love this woman and I’m having trouble letting her go. As if I’m meant to, to fit into the ways of modern society. This is supposed to be a gym journal, and yet, like absolutely every breath I take I’m thinking of her. Pushing myself in the gym helps push her out of my system, physically mentally emotionally spiritually. 

7.5.2024

I have been of ill health. This year I had long-covid, flu, a water infection and dysentery, almost back to back. 

This follows from last September both a GP and a mental health doctor told me I need to rest because I was exhausted. It took me until April this year to do so. 

I have turned my life around. Now I walk 10k steps every day. I have been a gym bunny again for a week. 

Already I am measurably losing bum fat and gaining chest width. I love the gym. 

The muscles around my lower spine are building to comfort the sciatica. I'm going for the porn-star body. I push weights. Not a show-off amount yet but enough to feel improvement. 

So that's been my year so far. I was burnt out because of the heavy crap I have been going through. That's a long story.