A mutual friend asked me about my exes dad yesterday. He owns and rents a few houses in the city, his a business empire.
She told me he’s a millionaire and how her parents bad attitude toward people is because they’re protecting their assets from greedy gold-diggers. I always said to her “I don’t want you for your money” *
Her parents are her landlords which is a difficult situation because the laws regarding tenants rights verses the family relations of emotional and mental entanglement.
Immediately we see this is a boundary dispute between landlord/tenant and parents/child. It’s all about those boundaries. That the family don’t respect boundaries at all is generational.
I know tenants rights.
The house is a shit-hole.
Examples:
Downstairs needs new double-glazing. It’s illegal.
The water system out the back needs mending. It’s unsafe illegal. **
Lightbulb in kids bedroom flickers constantly like a strobe. It’s unsafe and illegal. It’s crazy expecting children or anyone to live in that conditions.
Her parents have not fixed any of these issues. They are expensive to fix. Her parents are saving money by having their daughter as their tenant because anyone else would report them and cost them a lot of money.
This is why they do not want her to move out of the house.
This is why I posed an existential threat to her parents when I suggested she move in with me and mine, either in my current house or somewhere bigger and more appropriate for all of us.
In less than a decade she will require a bigger house anyway as two teenage boys cannot share a box room with bunks. They have not planned ahead for that.
Her parents have planned to sell her the house so she can take over the mortgage repayments. She does not have enough income for that. Theoretically she could rent it out for profit and live elsewhere but it needs expensive fixing which they are fobbing off onto her to deal with.
They pressured her to take on another job but that has additional childcare costs which makes it a pointless enterprise. They refused to babysit during that time.
It reduced the time she and I had together. Similar for all the meetings they made her go to with the mortgage advice team which reduced our time together.
She was already exhausted and the extra work was killing her. It’s why I was useful to her as a qualified ‘male aupair’ with fifteen years childcare experience and a string of qualifications. Her kids were calling me ‘daddy’ by then with her encouragement.
Her mother confronted me and said I need to pay her rent for staying at the house overnight. I explained I can charge £20 an hour au pair work how many hours does her mother claim I owe her rent for?
They dropped the issue.
Her statement that they are defensive about gold-diggers is not about me personally. It’s a projection of their own attitude onto her boyfriends (and others).
That house is a trap for her. I was constantly ill from the pollution in the air from all the car fumes. That’s a major reason I kept needing time out from staying there. She took it personally that I didn’t dedicate to her. It was a health issue. She ignored how much I did do for her.
She needs a live-in lover. She won’t move out because the pressure her parents put on her. Their family are pressure-based, which is behaviour she thinks is normal. They also lack compassion and empathy in a markedly big way despite high entitlement.
Nobody wants to live under constant pressure and to adapt to that.
Her family could have sold the house or fixed it up to habitable standards instead of taking several foreign holidays each year. They have the income. They could then rent it for more rent than the family rate they give her. It would free her to find somewhere more appropriate for the boys with better air quality.
They aren’t intelligent enough not compassionate enough to do that because there is another element at play.
She is in a cage which her parents have the keys for. They won’t let her move on. It’s psychemotional, it’s all about control. This is why she is both damaged by narcissism and herself has high narcissism traits.
Dr Eric Bernes book on transactional analysis the Games People Play outlines the power dynamic occurring. It’s usury.
None of it is my concern any more. I bear witness, that’s all. To answer your question.
*Reference: Siddhartha, Franciscan monks, word of Christ, my own experience. The only gold which is not cursed is the enlightened human soul.
** Water issues = emotions.
She told me her ex cut off some exterior plumbing before he left her. Logical analysis is he did out of spite or psychosis and she must have pushed him into a pretty bad state of mind for him to have done that. It’s caused ongoing problems with flooding. Her parents have not replaced the pipe. I did at my own expense for the practicality of living with it but then her kid explored my fix and broke it again.
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